SHE FITS

​

Taylor’s been sleeping over
I like the way she fits my arms enough to wear long sleeves if i get blood on her
she doesn’t mention it, Taylor is sweet like that

she works at a coffee shop, she takes too much adderall at the first alarm
we swallow amphetamines like her job depended on it
then we sleep, waiting for the stimulant’s pounce to on our chest

like the house cat I don’t have

or the second alarm she forgot to set

sometimes we just sleep
she’s going to get fired, i tell her that
she doesn’t care
she shouldn’t care, she’s 24

the first time we tried to drive to the beach
I put mdma in our mouths
we made out, and I sucked on her tits

and we drank till we stopped

when I got sober, she would come over

when bars got too threatening, the men got too boring

I asked her if she saw a future where we fuck

then she said no
then I said that’s cool
do you still wanna sleep together?

then she held me
I kissed the back of her head
I told her I don’t want to think i care about anything

still I want to keep her safe, and that’s something

she told me no-one's ever said that, not even her own father

then she laughed

it was funny and sad
and kinda hot
so we held each other

my last memory of Leonora, she asked me to fuck her
because she’d finally let Anivel hit it

she asked me if I wanted to, cause she said preferred to think of me

“you’re a lot better than he is ”
at some point later she got sober

8 years later, a drunk driver took her life

she had joined a sorority

and at the funeral, her sisters cried they way i can’t anymore

at the funeral they played Sarah McLachlan, you know the song

at the funeral I cried for her sisters

I saw her little sister, and i cried her for her
we used to steal her allowance out of a wooden box so we could buy lucky strikes

the night I met Taylor, I’d had bad sex
the kind your friends have to tell you is bad
and you shouldn’t call her again

the night I met Taylor, I sought to wash away my spit and cum with spit and cum

the night I met Taylor, she was the only girl at the worst bar

I sat with Michele, in awe of each other's nail polish

ignorant of our own gender

she sat with the men as they screamed to their obscured reflections

three dollar budweiser permanently scrawled across their faces In temporary marker

they drank at wives or girlfriends past shouting at children never sired

the bartender ushered her to us, as if wolves couldn’t fit in such tight pants

maybe she saw us for what we were
girls in faggots clothing

so Taylor put barrettes in Michele’s hair

and taught us how to pronounce barrettes

I asked her if she wanted a drink

“no, I came to this place because I can afford to pay for my own drinks “

I had money to burn on some kind of catharsis

and i found her

Michelle had scampered off with the nonthreatening boys and cocaine

we left at first last call
Taylor had a cat to show me, she said It looked like a little alien

down the block at the alien cat's house, she said

“I get if you don’t but ..... wanna sleep over and hold me like just hold me?“

it was everything i wanted
so she laid her little body in my arms

when she shut her eyes, she whispered “this is so nice“
and I looked at the little alien cat
and up at the ceiling